Dear Me Right Now,

Don’t be hard on yourself. You knew it was gonna be hard, but you have to be harder; it’s gonna be tough, but you have to be tougher. There’ll be lots of downs but never forget there’ll be upsides too. Everyday will be a struggle, every moment’s gonna require a lot of effort, you’ll feel alone sometimes, but always remember that there’s SOMEONE up there who’s always with you. You’ll feel like you should’ve done better, made more effort or should’ve listened to your friends. You’ll have regrets. There’ll be times that you’ll act like these regrets don’t matter and you don’t care anymore, but you’ll think about it late at night until the next day. You’ll lose sleep, and caffeine won’t help you with your emotional problems — just your lack of rest. You’ll have branded eyebags under those once-he-called beautiful eyes. No concealer could cover up that depressed face of yours. It’s gonna be hard.
It’s gonna be hard trying to wake up happy. It’s gonna be a challenge to try not to say hi to him even just once for the day. It’s gonna be a struggle not wanting to know where or what he has been up to.
It’s gonna be hard, mending your heart. Nobody said it was easy. Just don’t be hard on yourself. Cry if you must, blog about it if you must, isolate yourself for awhile if you must. Breakdown if you must.
Just don’t be hard on yourself. Tomorrow may be another struggle. But tomorrow could be the day you finally break free. But no pressure. “Take your time. Take all the time you need.” As Lang Leav would say it. Just never give up. It’ll be hard — reality is, life is. But it’ll be harder without hope. Just have a little faith —in you, in your capabilities, in your talents, in your being, and in all the things around you.
Don’t be hard on yourself.
Just have a little faith, even just for the last time.
One more time tomorrow.
And another after that.


I bet you miss her.
I bet you miss the way she looks at you
With passion and sincerity you can’t find elsewhere.
I bet you miss the way she hugs you
The feeling that this girl feels like she’s the luckiest
I bet you miss the way she plays with your hair,
Tries on your baseball cap collection,
Wears your jersey,
Smells every perfume you own,
And compliments your fancy watches.
I bet you miss the way she takes care of you when you’re injured, or sick.
The way she sings to you,
The way you sing to her, though you’re both out of tune.
I bet you miss the way she scratches your back,
The way she hugs the bad mood away.
I bet you miss her annoying voice,
Shouting for you to let her goal for once in Fifa.
I bet you miss her company.
I bet you miss the friendship there, too.
I bet you miss the way she worries about you,
When you’re out too late, when you’re far away
Oh, and I bet you miss the way you worry about her, too
Which she really loves about you, by the way.
I bet you miss the way she cheers for you on your games,
Shouts for your name just when the crowd went silent.
I bet you miss her good morning messages,
A few words that she hopes would make you smile the moment you wake up.
She loves reading your late-night & 3AM cheesy messages, by the way.
I bet you miss her laughter,
The giggles when she’s giddy, the loud ones when you’re tickling
I bet you miss how restless she could be on the passenger seat
The way she rests her head on your shoulder,
The way you hold her hand
The way you let go coz you have to change gear.

I bet you miss the way she makes you happy,
It may be different from the way your bros make you.
But you do know,
For a moment in your life,
You loved this girl,
She meant the world to you,
And you would do anything to keep her happy.

"This leaves men confused and unable to pigeonhole you. What they are forced to do instead is… take you seriously."

Reblog every time.

*hands down*

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Words of Emotion

To the guy who sent me this text a year ago, I NEED YOU BACK.

"Hi, I can’t sleep & there’s a lot of things have been going through my mind lately. Idk where to start, man! Why do you have to be so beautiful when you smile? I really want to tell you this in person, but I’m too shy or wala ko guts siguro I’m just scared to fall in love again. Yes. I played around and.. But idk since we started to hang. Daw ka idk! Pffft. I really like you a lot, I don’t give a damn about your past (if you know what I mean) but before anything else, there’s something you should know…"
Ang continuation medjo personal ah.

I’ve been reading my 2013 journal and it was indeed a bad idea. It made me even miss you more. Tsk! Masskara chicken dates, thirds sisig dates, villamonte kapehan, courtyard dates everything. Feels like it just happened yesterday when actually it has been a year. And the dramas under the rain, the cheering for your basketball games.. Gosh! I’m so sentimental! I think I should just date myself. Lol
Anyway, if only you could read this… And other posts too.. Hahaha isip isip rin. I think I lost someone who didn’t know how precious I was. But you lost someone who loved you beyond your imperfections and dorky mannerisms. :)


The last photo of us left in my phone. My favorite one. It’s a screenshot of your instagram post with the sweetest caption you ever wrote. It’s my favorite and there’s a part of me that just can’t delete it. We were both happy in this picture. I just got back from Manila for a field trip and I could see in your eyes that you really missed me a lot while I was gone. I could remember the smile on your face and that tight hug you gave me. It was just for a few days but it felt longer than that. We were indeed high in love. We were.
In this picture, are two people deeply and solely in love with each other. You may not say it often, but I knew that you loved me more than anything else.
We may not know where we went wrong, but we both know we changed along the way. Just like what you told me in our second date, “feelings are temporary.” Never thought I’d say that you were right. Or maybe I was just scared to admit that you were right.

To the guy who was almost my better half.

I could tell you a lot of reasons why ending it was a good idea. How losing you was actually one of the few goods things that happened to me. I could name a few reasons why we shouldn’t get back together (no, he did not ask, in case any of you were “wondering”) and that staying out of each other’s life would be a good idea.

Maybe we didn’t work well with our differences and our similarities were not of the good kind. Maybe I wanted and loved some parts of your being but not the whole you, and maybe you felt the same. Maybe you weren’t ready to take risks for me, and I wasn’t either. Maybe we met in the stage of our life where we were still finding our way through things — that should be done alone. Or maybe we were finding ourselves? I finally knew I was. Or maybe because our priorities changed. I was starting to wake up and think about things in the long run, while you were just trying to get through the day at school. My priority was to find a stable job and marriage is somewhere along my list, while your current problem was what party to go to next weekend or whether to play NBA2k or FIFA with your guys. Maybe there were times that I think you’re not worth the sacrifices I made, and maybe you had a few dilemmas yourself. Maybe we just weren’t good together because maybe we were greater apart.

I’m not saying that there weren’t any happy moments, because trust me, there are a lot. And as I said, I could enumerate a lot of reasons why we shouldn’t be together (well, my reasons) but sometimes, all these reasons don’t make any sense when I think of that one reason why we should be together: I love you, and I know that you love me too. But just when reality and life steps in, it makes everything complicated. And yes, love isn’t enough. Maybe I’m kind of a grown up when it comes to these things now, and I have you to thank for that. Just so you know, I had the best months of my life with you, and at some point I thought you were my better half. Maybe you were, but maybe not anymore. We were in each other’s lives in the wrong time. And the sooner we realize our mistakes, the sooner we can meet again, and maybe try again. Maybe, just maybe.  Or maybe we could be friends.

But like what I told you, I will always be in some sort of love with you. It may not be as deep as what I used to feel, but I’ll always love you in some ways. I have accepted that already and it doesn’t mess with my head and heart anymore. I am completely fine, and genuinely happy right now. Still finding my way through things, but at least it’s making me stronger for when the right time comes for us, I won’t have so much maybe’s in my life anymore.

Take care.

Love you always.

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I believe in fate and destiny. I believe that there’s an alternate universe of what should have if I could have. But I don’t live in that world and all I have are lessons learned. Some regrets, but mostly mistakes I never intend to make again.

💙 ko


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