The last photo of us left in my phone. My favorite one. It’s a screenshot of your instagram post with the sweetest caption you ever wrote. It’s my favorite and there’s a part of me that just can’t delete it. We were both happy in this picture. I just got back from Manila for a field trip and I could see in your eyes that you really missed me a lot while I was gone. I could remember the smile on your face and that tight hug you gave me. It was just for a few days but it felt longer than that. We were indeed high in love. We were.
In this picture, are two people deeply and solely in love with each other. You may not say it often, but I knew that you loved me more than anything else.
We may not know where we went wrong, but we both know we changed along the way. Just like what you told me in our second date, “feelings are temporary.” Never thought I’d say that you were right. Or maybe I was just scared to admit that you were right.

1 day ago on July 31, 2014 at 08:06pm

To the guy who was almost my better half.

I could tell you a lot of reasons why ending it was a good idea. How losing you was actually one of the few goods things that happened to me. I could name a few reasons why we shouldn’t get back together (no, he did not ask, in case any of you were “wondering”) and that staying out of each other’s life would be a good idea.

Maybe we didn’t work well with our differences and our similarities were not of the good kind. Maybe I wanted and loved some parts of your being but not the whole you, and maybe you felt the same. Maybe you weren’t ready to take risks for me, and I wasn’t either. Maybe we met in the stage of our life where we were still finding our way through things — that should be done alone. Or maybe we were finding ourselves? I finally knew I was. Or maybe because our priorities changed. I was starting to wake up and think about things in the long run, while you were just trying to get through the day at school. My priority was to find a stable job and marriage is somewhere along my list, while your current problem was what party to go to next weekend or whether to play NBA2k or FIFA with your guys. Maybe there were times that I think you’re not worth the sacrifices I made, and maybe you had a few dilemmas yourself. Maybe we just weren’t good together because maybe we were greater apart.

I’m not saying that there weren’t any happy moments, because trust me, there are a lot. And as I said, I could enumerate a lot of reasons why we shouldn’t be together (well, my reasons) but sometimes, all these reasons don’t make any sense when I think of that one reason why we should be together: I love you, and I know that you love me too. But just when reality and life steps in, it makes everything complicated. And yes, love isn’t enough. Maybe I’m kind of a grown up when it comes to these things now, and I have you to thank for that. Just so you know, I had the best months of my life with you, and at some point I thought you were my better half. Maybe you were, but maybe not anymore. We were in each other’s lives in the wrong time. And the sooner we realize our mistakes, the sooner we can meet again, and maybe try again. Maybe, just maybe.  Or maybe we could be friends.

But like what I told you, I will always be in some sort of love with you. It may not be as deep as what I used to feel, but I’ll always love you in some ways. I have accepted that already and it doesn’t mess with my head and heart anymore. I am completely fine, and genuinely happy right now. Still finding my way through things, but at least it’s making me stronger for when the right time comes for us, I won’t have so much maybe’s in my life anymore.

Take care.

Love you always.

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I believe in fate and destiny. I believe that there’s an alternate universe of what should have if I could have. But I don’t live in that world and all I have are lessons learned. Some regrets, but mostly mistakes I never intend to make again.

💙 ko


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I guess I wasn’t really afraid of heights, I was actually afraid of falling.

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I love unmade beds. I love when people are drunk and crying and cannot be anything but honest in that moment. I love the look in people’s eyes when they realize they’re in love. I love the way people look when they first wake up and they’ve forgotten their surroundings. I love the gasp people take when their favorite character dies. I love when people close their eyes and drift to somewhere in the clouds. I fall in love with people and their honest moments all the time. I fall in love with their breakdowns and their smeared makeup and their daydreams. Honesty is just too beautiful to ever put into words.